Time with Travis

Today I had a rare occurrence - time with only ONE twin. since it was such a beautiful day outside, I suggested the boys go out play (I honestly was trying for 15 - 30 minutes of peace for myself). Travis jumped at the idea and was dressed and out the door in a flash. Thomas showed no interest and simply went on playing Hot Wheels.

A few minutes went by and I peeked out the window to check on Travis. I have a compulsive need to check on them every 2 minutes when they're outside, especially when only 1 is out there. We have a HUGE backyard that is completely enclosed, but I fear losing them whenever they're out of my direct contact and it's a fear I deal with as best I can.

I found myself smiling out how he didn't care if he was out there alone - he was running in circles and just generally being a little boy. And I decided I HAD to join him. Forget the laundry, the dirty dishes, the messy house, the sleeping husband and the content boy IN the house. I wanted to play with that happy little boy OUTSIDE. So, I did!

For 30 minutes, he and I danced in the sun, dragged branches to the burn pile, raced through the muddy yard, played in the play house, swung (he tried to push me and THAT was funny), and we even had a snowball fight (60 degrees and just a little snow left, but enough for the two of us!). But best of all we TALKED. About what he did and did NOT like in school. About Thomas. About nothing. About how he WANTS to be a good boy, but it's hard sometimes. It was everything and nothing. I even took him to the side of the house and showed him where I wanted to put in a secret rose garden since we moved in 11 years ago. He asked me why I'd never shown him that before and I told him it was my secret place and I finally wanted to share it with him. That made him smile the biggest smile I've seen on him in such a long time!

Eventually, he got bored with me though and ran back inside. But, the rest of the day he was SO much nicer. And quieter. With less fighting and less back-talk. He was just such as sweetie. For awhile he was just my little boy again - not one of the terrible twins. and every once in awhile, he'd catch my eye, smile and give me a big wink. It was SOOOOO worth it!

So - new resolve - spend at least some time each week with EACH of the twins separately. I can usually do this with Emily no problem - retail therapy works not only for cancer survivorship but also for mother-daughter relationships! And sometimes I can get in a little time with at least one of the boys. But good quality time with both of them individually is something I'm going to have to plan and work on. Because I finally realize how much they need it - and so do I!