"And you're their MOM"

I can't remember how long ago this particular incident occurred, but I still can't believe I said or did these things. Not that they're bad, but because now when I think about it, I picture all the things that could have gone wrong or escalated from this situation. So, maybe if it write about it, it will bug me less...

A friend and I went to watch the last Harry Potter movie together right after it came out. We both have tween-aged kids, but we normally saw these alone and thought it would be a good get-together. Afterward, I drove her to her car, but we were playing catchup so we parked and kept talking for awhile. After about 10 minutes, we noticed the car across from us - it was rocking. Inside were two kids, probably 8 and 3 or 4 at the most. This was in the parking lot of Town Center Plaza, which is a pretty high-dollar shopping center in Overland Park.

We kept talking, but both of us kept watching the car. After another 20 minutes, we realized they'd been left alone in that car for almost 30 minutes - that we knew of! We don't know how long they were there by themselves, but to both of us this was too long for kids this young to be alone in a car in a parking lot. It wasn't overly hot or cold that day, but they were unsupervised and it was starting to get dark.

About this time, the girl started forcing the little boy into his car seat, yelling and crying because he wouldn't listen to her. And of course, he was crying as well. We decided enough was enough, but weren't sure what to do. So, we did what we both normally do when we're uncertain in a situation - we called our husbands.

Both men said the same thing - call the cops. We were still hesitant to do so, but the entire situation still bugged us. Finally, we got out of our car and went over to theirs. We told the girl not to roll down the window or get out, just to let us know if they were OK. She said they were, but she had no idea where her mom was or how long she'd been gone (we knew by then it'd been close to 45 minutes minimum!) We kept telling her we didn't want her to get out or anything, and that we'd make sure she and her brother were OK.

I kept talking to the kids through the closed window while my friend dialed 911 and was about to hit send. At this point, mom walks up with two older girls and shopping bags, asking us what we're doing. Now, you may think maybe this was a "lower class" mom or someone who just may not have known better based on economical sitations. No - this was a well-dressed, middle class (probably upper middle class) mom and it was a high-dollar car/SUV they were in. So - there shouldn't really be any "excuses" here (not that there should be any anyway!) - I'm just clearing the boards.

Here's where the "scary" and "crazy" stuff comes into play for me:

I asked her where she had been and what she was thinking leaving her kids in the car. Before she could answer, I told her that her kids were crying and very upset. Here, she had the audacity to suggest that WE were the cause of her kids crying! That we had scared them coming over to the car and talking to them! I looked her straight in the eye and said calmly that that "They were crying and upset LONG before we came over here - that's WHY we came over here."

My friend was slowly backing up to our car, but I was MAD! Seriously - how dare she suggest I upset her kids? I was looking out for them! So, I asked her again what she was thinking leaving her kids in the car for that long. This is what she actually told me "They didn't want to go in shopping. They're kids..."

"AND YOU'RE THEIR MOM!" It took all my effort to say this forcefully but not with too much anger or malice. I continued with "They're just little kids - if you can't take them in shopping, then you don't go shopping! You don't leave kids this young in the car alone - ever! You're the mom - you have to make the bigger decisions." She was going to reply and I decided to end the conversation with my own last comment.

I told her "Just so you know, we were about to call 911. We had them in the phone and were about to hit send. Think about that next time. Next time, someone may not wait to call the cops - they'll do it as soon as they see your kids in the car. Or, next time, instead of a well-meaning adult, it could be a crazed lunatic after your kids because you - the MOM - didn't want to take them in shopping."

With that, I left her to calm down her kids (who probably WERE afraid of me now!) and to think about things. I don't know if what we did and said honestly had any effect on her. But, it did on me.

My friend says she couldn't believe I'd had the "balls" to say what I did to that woman. Anytime I think of leaving the boys in the car while I run in to get a gallon of milk I remember this day and take them with me. I might do it if Emily's in the car, but normally I don't even like to do that - she's old enough to watch them, but as a young woman she's also a different kind of target.

I know it's a hassle sometimes to pull two kids out of car seats, walk through a store to the dairy, grab the milk, check out and then get two kids back into car seats, but it's worth it. Even more of a hassle to drag two little boys through the mall or a big store to shop for myself or my daughter. But, if it keeps them from getting scared, keeps them safe from predators, and keeps the police or social services from being called, I'm all for the little-kids-shopping hassle! After all -

"I'M THEIR MOM!!!"